Parshas Naso commands that if an individual becomes tammai (ritually impure) there are sections of the camp they are prohibited from inhabiting. In fact, the verb the Torah uses isn’t say (emor), tell (d’ber), but tzav which literally means command. The commentators say that when the Torah uses tzav (command), it means: Don’t just instruct the Children of Israel, but ensure they perform it urgently and with precision.

How do we make sure our fellow Jews perform mitzvahs with alacrity and that they’re doing it correctly? Well, if you have a good answer please email me! I’d love to know. You might think that being positive and upbeat will inspire others to want to reach the heights you’re aiming for. However, the Sifre advises that that may not be the right choice. “You don’t strengthen only one who is already strong. And you don’t tell people they should be-on-top-of-their-game, unless they’re already motivated to be their best.”

In my past life, I was an actor and one of my most fond memories of that time was when I got cast in A Christmas Carol. (For a story that’s centered around Xmas, the source material has very little to do the Christian religion and is actually a great demonstration of Teshuvah.) I was playing Young Scrooge in the flashbacks of old Ebenezer’s past, one of which was a dance scene at a modest party thrown by the joyful shopkeeper Fezziwig. One night an actress, with holiday merriment, ad-libbed to me, “Smile!” The instruction completely took me out of the scene. Was she giving me an acting note to smile in the scene? Or was she telling the in character Young Scrooge to be joyful. Either way I was angry. Which probably helped the scene. The point is, either as the actor or the character, I felt resentment for the unsolicited acting criticism and the implication that I wasn’t acting happy enough.

Rabbi Shmuel Gluck says that the Sifre is warning about this very type of instruction. Rabbi Gluck’s insight is that it’s not such a good idea to go around trying to perk people up, cheerfully recommending they look on the bright side or work with a little more gusto. He says, “You cannot motivate a person to up their game, you cannot motivate a person to be motivated. Unless they are already the type of person who is trying to be motivated. Don’t go to someone you know and ask them to rise to the challenge if they have no interest in the task. And certainly don’t ask anyone in a bad mood to be in a good mood.” Rabbi Gluck cautions that taking this approach towards the unmotivated or despondent is not only ineffective, but insensitive. You may actually do damage to the relationship and possibly to the person.

As with the actress from my play, she fostered resentment and caused me to doubt myself. Now, the mark of a good actor is that they can take what’s in front of them and react to it organically as the character would. Regardless of whether it was rehearsed or not. Clearly, I wasn’t a very good actor. But despite that memory, I still find myself falling into the same trap the actress did.

Not long ago I really invested in learning about bitachon or having trust in God. The mitzvah of having bitachon is so powerful, it doesn’t just bring you to constantly see the bright side of everything, mystical Judaism says it makes good things happen to you. This investment yielded the best blessing of my life. But I know people who don’t see life that way. It’s hard for them to not worry about money, unfavorable outcomes, and possible problems. I’ve tried to tell such to people, “Hey, have bitachon! Doesn’t everything usually work out in the end for you? The last time X problem happened didn’t you survive okay? Look how much blessing you have!”

Clearly, my bitachon bolstering doesn’t work. That’s because you can’t tell someone who doesn’t have bitachon to have bitachon. Trust is built, not willed. Just as the Sifre mentioned above, it’s great when you can see the silver linings and can muster the strength to push through adversity. But you can’t expect that of others. People have to work through their suffering in their own time. It can’t be willed away. Yes be positive, but don’t imply that others are deficient if they’re not doing the same.