Aharon the priest ascended Mount Hor at God’s bidding and died there, on the first day of the fifth month in the 40th year of the Israelites’ exodus from Egypt. (Bamidbar 33:38)

Parshas Masei recalls the 42 journeys of the Israelites over their four decades in the wilderness. Among them, it references Aharon’s death from parshas Chukas and it lists the precise day of his death. And it’s the only yarzeit that’s clearly dated in the Torah. What is the first day of the fifth month? Rosh Chodesh Av. 

If you don’t find that sad and ironic then you may be unaware of the period of time we happen to be in, known as The Three Week. The twenty one days between 17th of Tammuz and the 9th of Av is a period of mourning and tragedy for the Jewish people. Historically calamities have befallen us during this time, most notably the destruction of both Temples. Without getting into the details, once we enter the month of Av, severe restrictions are observed including abstaining from meat and wine, not doing laundry or even wearing freshly laundered clothing, and bathing for pleasure is forbidden. 

It seems appropriate that the loss of our first Kohen Godol (high priest) coincides with the nine days. But what is the message specifically we should take from Aharon’s death and how should it reframe the message of our heritage’s most difficult period? 

When Aharon died, the miracle of the clouds of glory ended. Though you might think wandering through the desert for forty years was a taxing journey, the Midrash tells us the clouds of glory shaded, cooled, and protected the Israelites as they traveled. So with Aharon’s passing, heat and vulnerability returned. In 2017, I visited Israel and it was just at the start of the Three Weeks. I remember not being able to sleep for the first few days because of the sweltering nights. On top of that, upon trying to visit the Kotel, I found security blocking the way as a shooting had occurred on the Temple Mount. The beginning of my trip was overshadowed by high tensions and unrest.

It is understood that the cause of our near 2000 year exile in sinas chinam, baseless or causeless hatred between Jews. The petty squabbles, lack of concern, and bitter rivalries are as present today as they were when we lost the second Temple. What’s tragic is that Aharon devoted himself to rectifying this very problem.

Perkei Avos 1:12 reads Hillel says: Be among the disciples of Aharon loving peace, pursuing peace, and loving people and bringing them closer to Torah. 

The nature of Aharon was love, plain and simple. While his younger brother brought down Torah from Heaven, Aharon lifted people with praise. He saw the greatness of every person and abhorred seeing friction between friends. But what gave him the ability to bring peace so successfully? That lies in understanding the true nature of peace.

In English, peace is defined as “freedom from disturbance” or more specifically “a period in which there is no war.” These are passive states, the way the absence of light makes darkness. But the Hebrew concept of peace, shalom, is active. That’s because shalom is a form of the word shaleim, or whole. Simply telling two brothers to stop fighting and apologize isn’t enough. You have to be aware of what caused their fighting. Was it jealousy? Did they not share screentime equally? Are they not getting enough sleep? That’s why we say oseh shalom, make peace. Rodeif shalom, pursue peace. In order to have shalom, you have to build it, you have to understand people so you can help meet their needs. How can you love someone if you don’t understand their needs? 

Every Hebrew month has a unique spiritual energy. Nissan’s is miracles and freedom, hence why it has Passover. Adar is joy along with hidden miracles so we celebrate Purim. Av starts out with tremendous darkness. But the month is at its full spiritual strength right in the middle, at the full moon. The 15th of Av (Tu B’Av) is considered one of the happiest days in the Jewish calendar! It’s also said that every month has a letter associated with it. Av’s is tes, ט‎. And tes is associated with the Hebrew word tov, which means good! So is Av a month of bad or a month of good?

One other trait that is associated with Av is the action of listening. Perhaps it is this very quality that is what we’re missing and can bring it all together. When we find ourselves in darkness, the sense that is the most helpful is the ability to listen. In any relationship, especially one in turmoil, the best thing you can do is shut up and listen. Even just letting the other person talk, without interruption, can sometimes solve the problem. Finally, the most iconic Jewish phrase, Shema Yisorel, the first word is listen. 

Av should have been a month of good. It should have been when we entered the land of Israel. In fact, Tisha B’Av is supposed to be a yom tov, a holiday, as we don’t recite tachanun on or before it. But instead of listening to Hashem, the Jewish people listened to lashon hara, deriding speech. 

They say that the moshiach will be born on Tisha B’Av. Does that literally mean we should be watching the maternity wards as we fast? I don’t think so. During this solemn and sad period, we must find unity and love. Maybe in the shared pain we can let the meaningless squabbles go. However, Aharon didn’t tell fighting parties to forgive and forget. Genuine grievances must be dealt with and Aharon knew that. He knew what needed to be said to assuage the relationship because he knew how to listen. When one goes to a shiva house, the visitors aren’t supposed to talk unless they are approached by the mourner. In the place of trying to say the right thing to make the mourner feel better, the visitor sits and listens. It creates the most intimate space as the mourner shares their experiences with the departed.

There’s a reason the Three Weeks are modeled after the mitzvahs of shiva and mourning. So perhaps for Aharon’s yarzeit, the thing we should focus on over the nine days is treating it like sitting shiva. Listening to the pain of our friends, family, and community, and in doing so maybe we’ll find love from the peace that the silence of listening creates.