Eliezer gets sent on a mission by his master to find a shidduch for Yitzchok. He travels back to Avraham’s homeland and just as he arrives, he is about to utter a prayer to Hashem. On the word va’yomer, “he said,” an unusual chant in the cantillation is sung when the Torah is read aloud. Known as a shalsheles, the chant is a winding, prolonged, note that repeats the same tone three (or four) times. And it happens only four times in the whole Torah. 

Notated as a vertical zig-zag line, the shalshelet’s visual symbol shares its wavering back and forth imagery the sound instills. That’s because the shalsheles is representative of a moment of extraordinary ambivalence, an heart-wrenching dilemma for the character in the moment. The word literally means chain, which evokes a physical interlocking chain, but also the paralysis of not being able to make the decision. 

Aside from here in Chayei Sarah the shalsheles are found…

Last week in Parshas Vayeira (Bereishis 19:16) as the angels tell Lot to escape the city of S’dom before its destruction. Lot hesitates, trying to decide if he can save his possessions. As the Jack Benny joke goes, A mugger pulls a pistol on an unexpecting victim and says, “Your money or your life.” The victim raises his hands, but otherwise doesn’t move. The mugger insists again, “C’mon buddy! Your money or your life!” The victim shouts back, “I’m thinking, I’m thinking!” So too, Lot’s priorities were out of whack, and he struggled to leave behind his material pleasures, despite the fact his life and the life of his family was on the line. 

In Parshas Vayeishev (Berishis 39:8) Yosef works as a slave in the house of Egypt’s chief executioner, Potiphar. Potiphar’s beautiful wife sets her sights on Yosef, determined to seduce him. Yosef has risen through the ranks (despite being a slave) to become manager of the estate. Yosef could easily get away with the affair, but refuses even at the cost of being accused of not just infidelity, but rape. The refusal for Yosef isn’t just about overcoming lust, but abuse of power and betrayal of trust. 

The fourth shalsheles is found in Parshas Tzav (Vayikra 8:23). Upon completing the portable Temple known as the Mishkan, Moses performed the priestly services for seven days. Moses had lost the privilege to serve as a priest during his over-reluctance at the burning bush. But now, on the eighth day, it was time to transfer over the priesthood to his brother Aharon and his son. This shalsheles characterizes Moses’ letting go, not of honor, but of the desire to perform such extraordinary mitzvot. 

So what is Eliezer’s dilemma all about? How is it at the level of life and death like Lot? Or having ultimate power and resisting a sexual advance? How is it comparable to Moses letting go of the most important role in Judaism moving forward? 

Earlier on in the parsha, Avraham has Eliezer swear to find a girl from Avraham’s home town and bring her back to Yitzchok. Eliezer responds, “‘Perhaps the woman will not come back with me?’ [Avraham] said to me, ‘Hashem, before Whom I have walked, will send His angel with you and make your journey successful. You will then take a wife for my son from my family and from my father’s house. You will then be absolved from my oath if when you come to my family and they will not give her to you. You will be absolved from my oath.’” (Bereishis 24:39-41)

According to Rashi, Eliezer was really asking this question because he had a daughter and he was really hoping that Avraham would let Yitzchok marry her. To which Avraham responds, “My son is blessed, whereas you are cursed and one is cursed cannot cleave to one who is blessed.” (Rashi on Bereishis 24:39) 

When Eliezer journeys to Charan to find the shidduch, why is he ambivalent? Avraham has told him his success is guaranteed because an angel is going to make a miracle. But even if the girl won’t come back with Eliezer, Yitzchok is never going to marry his daughter. Eliezer’s dreams are dashed, as far as his personal goals are concerned, he can’t win. So what are his two opposing choices in his dilemma? 

To pray or not to pray. 

Prayer is a very misunderstood thing. When we pray, it’s not a vending machine that if you want it badly enough, plead often enough, or cry hard enough that gets you your wish prize. You’re not going to change God’s mind. But also God wants what you want and He wants to give it to you! So what is prayer really about? The most common word for prayer in Hebrew is tefilah. Grammatically tefilah is reflexive, meaning its effect is on the person doing the praying, not on the thing the prayer is aimed at. Prayer functions not so much to change the world, but to change ourselves. When we pray with heartfelt intention, we elevate ourselves to a place where we are ready to receive that which we are praying for. 

But what if we don’t want what we’re praying for? Seems like an odd question. Why would anyone pray for something they don’t want? Well have you looked at the prayers of the Amidah? How much do you really want the rebuilding of Jerusalem, Moshiach, or judgement to return to the world? 

The Hebrew root of tefilah is pei, lamed, lamed which actually means to judge oneself. In order for prayer to work, it has to be real. We have to believe prayer has an actual effect and more importantly we have to actually want what we’re praying for. So an aspect of tefilah is to judge yourself. Assess do you really want what you’re praying for. Which leads to, well what do we really want? 

This was the dilemma before Eliezer. Of course, he wanted to fulfill Avhraham’s wishes. But a part of him still wanted his daughter to marry Yitzchok even though he’d gotten a definitive no. What did he really want? To be a permanent part of the Abrahamic bloodline? Or to cause that bloodline to flourish with a single but temporary action? The former is about his legacy. The latter is about Avraham’s.

On Rosh Hashanah, I don’t think anyone is asking the Creator of the Universe for the newest iPhone to go on sale. We do a lot of introspection to decide what we really want for the year. But then in our day to day life, how much time are we spending going after the things we pray for on Rosh Hashanah opposed to searching for deals or whatever distracts us? In our day and age, we are constantly pulled away from what we want for what satisfies our impulse. Our smart phones have trained us for it. For us, every dopamine-addicted urge is a shalsheles, pulling us away from who we want to be. We know we want to put the phone down, but we’re stuck going back to it. But if we can take time for prayer, we can shut out the noise, remind ourselves of who we are, and start to make the choices to be who we want to be.